Concealment
by Madhumalati
Summary: Four drabbles on how each of the Saiyuki quartet hide. I really am done now. Promise. Final chapter: Nii: the purpose of concealment.
1. Sanzo

_**Concealment**_

Four drabbles on the same theme. Part 1: Sanzo

Sanzo hides behind strength.

Choosing emptiness and the dark, he is outwardly at least a true Buddhist. Within, he is the one most trapped by his past; afraid to his bones of losing what he loves. Meanwhile, he steels himself in preparation for the next thunderbolt, the next death, the next loss, training with an artist's dedication and the creativity of a masochist. Every day he twists his heart a little tighter. Secretly, he dreads and longs for that day when it will twist tight enough and become dry, hard, forever preserved, invulnerable. Be strong, he chants to himself.

Next instalment: Goku


	2. Goku

Goku hides behind innocence.

With his hunger and his laughter and his play, it is easy for everyone to forget. He allows them to think he's only a child, carefree and young. It hurts when they're tricked, when they call him an idiot and laugh at him; but that is his purpose; they won't pry when he falls silent, eyes turning dark and deep. He hides the memories he doesn't have, the demon he can't control, the nightmares of being cold and alone and dark; sunless; because if they don't bring it up, maybe, just maybe, he can forget too.

A/N: do review, I need to know whether this is good. Next: Hakkai.


	3. Hakkai

Hakkai hides behind fragility.

He knows to a molecule the extent of his every deception. With impersonal sterility he fools everyone, never displaying the fire proven by a thousand deaths. Hidden behind immaculate attire and courteous manner are rage and shame. He knows that worried crimson and cool violet see more than they should, but a frail smile can deflect enquiries better than anger. As long as they think he's breakable, no prying hand will stir the ashes of his past. Smile, be polite, and they won't think to notice the steel behind the silk. If only that always worked.

Next: last chapter: Gojyo. Do review!


	4. Gojyo

Gojyo hides behind truth.

He doesn't care what people think, and he's painfully blunt, honest when he speaks. It takes an unseeing eye and a quick mind to fill in all the spaces of his silences; to ignore what he says and listen to what he doesn't. The haunting insecurity is hidden, so are the bone-deep loneliness and the fear of being cast off, unloved.With a quick, charming smile he distracts; seeing deep into others and allowing no one to see him. He lies openly, allowing others to see that he lies but never letting them see the truth.

A/N: not as good as the Hakkai one, I know. Blink-and-miss 85, points if you got it because I didn't at the time I was writing it. Nii may make an appearance, so check in later, although I haven't written his yet. Can't really pin the guy's character down.

As far as I know, this is the end. A big thank you to all my reviewers - it's great that such a short fic has so many reviews, especially one of mine. And now the A/N is longer than the drabble. Sigh.


	5. Kougaiji

Kougaiji hides behind love.

When his conscience pricks him, and his self-worth rebels, he forces himself to remember a debt that does not exist. He knows the truth of what he does, what he is going to unleash. Mother, he justifies, when his means turn ugly and their ends dishonourable. He slaughters those he would call subjects, fights those he would call friends. He knows his conscience, his soul will shatter one day like delicate earrings, but to turn back would be to admit his own evil, his hypocrisy. So he destroys in the name of love. Break he will.

A/N: I can't like Kougaiji, I really can't. I can feel sorry for him, but he's such a hypocrite and all-round pig with pretensions to nobility. Oof. I think, I think I may post Nii soon, but there's work to be done on it.


	6. Nii

Nii doesn't know not to hide.

Behind inadequacy, behind inferiority, behind amiability he has concealed himself. So well that his own mind can no longer unravel truth from lie, madness from genius. Warped in his own deception, trapped in his own image, he spins webs and weaves plans of death and chaos. A suggestion here, an action there and everything falls just so. Use, abuse, discard, deceive. Even in success he will be lost in the shadows. His sun is collapsed, and seeks only darkness.

Soon, he whispers soothingly, trembling in anticipation.

Soon, when he can take everyone with him.

A/N: anyone get the pun in this drabble? By the way, the 'friends' thing in Kougaiji's drabble refers to his reluctant friendship with the Sanzo group, NOT to Yaone, Lirin and Doku. He'd die for them, no question about that. One thing about Kougaiji is the depth of his loyalty once he gives it. It is possible to say that he is the only one who gives loyalty without any debt in the entire cast. The bonds between Sanzo and his group formed initially, at least, because of some debt; not so with Kou. EoS, this drabble really is a huge coincidence. Really.

Well, this has been a nice ride. Thanks to Ashler, Eyes of Shinigami, kenihiko, NightlyPonder and thelastunicorn for their reviews, as well as 'Wonderland' and the 'random person from outer space', since I didn't get to thank you personally. I hope you're still reading this!


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